past present future.... tension?

 PAST

..last week,me and my other set of friends planned to get together for richard's birthday..

we stayed in a fast food chain and there we bought him a cake and eat all together

..as we plan for that date, i am very excited because i've been missing my friends,

we haven't seen each other for quite a long time.. or if even we did, we are not complete..

..yesterday we gathered again, shared stories, ate, took photos.. we weren't complete yet

everything went fine.

PRESENT

..earlier today, while i keep myself busy studying, answering exams and sometimes reading my

special book (i'll blog about it when i finished read it) i thought of the question.. "why did i attend those gatherings together with my friends? when after that im feeling this way.."

i was upset.. if i could turn back time ill stop myself..

it sounds selfish if my friends were to read this, they can't understand.. 

all they've got to say is "why? aren't you happy the time we've been along?

OF COURSE.. i am happy.. but why am i feeling this way now..

i wanted to change on how i see things.. because as i remember a line in my special book..

proverbs 19:11- a man's wisdom gives him patience.

i can be considered as a junk.. a lack patience, i get angry easily, im impulsive..im worst..

FUTURE

it's not hard for me to forgive.. but not to forget.. my weakness is guilty conscience,

i feel guilty of the things ive done and undone..

whenever i remember those significant memories, i wanted to get myself out of my body

and go somewhere else..

BUT...i believe i can change.. i like to think that

"the simple thought of something good is already a good thing"

and

"change starts with introspection"

the regrets i felt earlier ..? im done with it and i don't like to REGRET that I REGRETTED..

sounds ironic.. hehe but here's how im starting..

"i should first start to change the way i see things, then emotion will follow"

it was from my special book agaain.

...now, whenever i feel impulsive, im trying to see the goodness of that thing within.. im forcing

myself to see the positive side of things.. and saying this to my self:

"GOD, TAKE THIS FEELING IF IT'S NOT FROM YOU"

i believe in the power of prayer, and how God speaks to me with it..

to those who were to read this,,

please pray with me as i walk through

the phase of changing myself..

child in me..

1st ever for campaign..

our neighbor asked me take part for the barangay elections as watcher.. for a specific candidate(barangay captain with some kagawad / members of the board)..

earlier this morning he called me up to attend the campaign in our subdivision, and i joined in. first we went to a candidate's (for kagawad/ member of the board) house two streets away from a house, there the supporters of of this candidate gathered... including me. I dont even know any of them except our neighbor and another man (his wife was the one who made my nursing uniform, that's why i know him)..

i just sitted at the side and waited for others to come, then one by one.. those candidates to the members of the board came.. and AGAIN.. i dont know any of them.. you can only identify them by the color of their shirt (green) and the rest of the supporters are colored red...

we marched along the streets in our subdivision.. (that was tiring) others are giving away flyers, posters, stickers.. together along with a recorded song which identifies the candidates..

im fine with the campaign thing.. but i hate those some people in the campaign.. they're saying bad things about the other candidates, even though we're living within the same area.. when i hear someone talking effin like that.. i hate back stabbers and liars.. they're like child saying bad things to each other..

hope to enjoy the rest of the day ;]

how U C..

hey..pssst!

you think i need something like this?

but i think i need it..

some said yes, some said no because im already somewhat pleasing to them..
but i believe that to be your self you should feel good about yourself.. and there's nothing wrong with a simple make over..

plus.. some attitude remodelling.. i kind of lose my temper easily.. (guilty conscience again)

i love those who said YES, thanks for supporting my feelings..
.. and for those who said no.. effin NOT COOL!  kidding.. hehe

what do you think ;p


i plan to start this by december.. new year new look 

headaches..

literally.. i experienced pain on my head.. with few days apart..

first, i had this additional pierce at my left ear, it did not bleed but it was somewhat painful.. but not the most so far..
my friend camille, introduced me to her midwife friend hana.. who did the piercing thing to me..;p love it..

 

this was actually my ear.. hehe

second, is that i had a skin treatment yesterday.. it was soooo painful.. i was teary eyed after the procedure, it was my first time to under go cleaning in a dermatologist's clinic.. i dont want to undergo that thing again.. but the doctor said i need to go back after two weeks.. T_T

these was actually my tears..

kidding !

pain now happy later ;p

effin loving JF..

so loving james franco.. ;p

he's like my most handsome guy on earth..

he was spiderman's green goblin junior.. just so you know..

for me, he could play edward cullen's role better ;p (peace out to robpatt's fans)

taking time...

at this time i should be studying even if i don't have classes today..

but im here :]

just so you know, my weakness is guilty conscience.. i hate feeling guilty for the things i have done and undone.. surely later this day i'd be feeling this  because i've been relaxing at this time..

whenever i study, i used to be reading books, or even explaining to myself how this and that happened.. i want someone to share the things that i know, to asses how i really understand the situation.. but ironically, i tried encouraging my friends to form a group study but it fails.. maybe we just have to go along with our daily tasks..

at night as i study, when i feel sleepy already.. i go to sleep immediately, because i believe that i should not force myself to study if im tired.. but a day ago, our lecturer mentioned a phrase that struck me..

it was like this.. "as you relax and rest, others are preparing"... guilty conscience again!! so now i placed a memo at the front of my table with that saying... including the words "nagpapahuli ka ba? " or "are you letting your self be left behind?

but still i dont force my self to be neurotic in studying.. i just take my time.. the right time.. :]

God bless

avatar..

hi guys, recently we have a new baby around the house.. a young guinea pig considered as a baby because it's acting like one.. well i guess it's too young to be treated as a pet..

it's name is "avatar".. haha.. my mom gave that name..

but we also have a much bigger guinea pig than avatar.. it's name was wolverine (almost 9inches)..

anyway.. before avatar arrived in our house.. i used to wake up by 3.30am and study something, but instead of waking too early because of avatar's noise (guinea pigs usually have their distinct sound.. it's like whistling) at 3.30am as the sound of our alarm clock.. avatar is also sounds like an alarm to us..i used to overslept because of avatar waking up so early.. maybe im trying not to make noises so that it would not whistle more.. im kind of pissed off but i know it is too young, so maybe avatar needed some attention.. during the day i spend more time with it.. feeding , playing..

i hope it will grow as big as wolverine, avatar is now almost 4 inches.. :]

sign..

 

just want to share something:

im not the person who usually ask God for signs or something.. but a friend named eina, asked for a sign because she's so confused whether to file for the board exam or not.. she's feel that she's not ready to tkae the exam.. but if she'll ask me ill say that its better for her to take teh exam, take the risk and trust her ability.

the sign she asked was a white butterfly.. and God gave her that sign.. im very happy for her :]

last night i was also confused about deciding about a certain problem.. answerable by a yes or no.. i asked a friend about that but our conversation was cut off due to i cannot reply to her.. so i asked God, if (my classmate, who dont used to text me) texted about anything.. then i the answer to my problem was no.. later that night i was about to decide.. and my classmate sent me a message :]

thanks God

but you..

being creative..

LURVEEEET!!

i really love my wallpaper.. because i really searched for them... done some clicking and voila! a very greeny, clovery and refreshing wallpaper..

happy weekend everyone! IMY all..