taking time...

at this time i should be studying even if i don't have classes today..

but im here :]

just so you know, my weakness is guilty conscience.. i hate feeling guilty for the things i have done and undone.. surely later this day i'd be feeling this  because i've been relaxing at this time..

whenever i study, i used to be reading books, or even explaining to myself how this and that happened.. i want someone to share the things that i know, to asses how i really understand the situation.. but ironically, i tried encouraging my friends to form a group study but it fails.. maybe we just have to go along with our daily tasks..

at night as i study, when i feel sleepy already.. i go to sleep immediately, because i believe that i should not force myself to study if im tired.. but a day ago, our lecturer mentioned a phrase that struck me..

it was like this.. "as you relax and rest, others are preparing"... guilty conscience again!! so now i placed a memo at the front of my table with that saying... including the words "nagpapahuli ka ba? " or "are you letting your self be left behind?

but still i dont force my self to be neurotic in studying.. i just take my time.. the right time.. :]

God bless

studying..but a moment! post to blog for a while..

I MISS BLOGGING....

i read my last post and it was merely 2-3 months.. same as those who commend my post, i just approved them a while ago..

blogging changed me into someone i should have met before.. expressing thoughts here is like telling everyone who you are.. not afraid of rejections or criticisms.. this is my blog and this is my world..

ive been currently busy preparing for the board exam, meeting new people at our review facility.. time flied so fast and two months already passed.. i never thought that it was too early to discipline myself to develop study habits and to face reality of being a registered nurse..

i asked some people, including my mom, if she's bothered that i might fail the exam.. and all they said was "no", knowing that people around you are confident enough for me to pass is like the feeling that i already passed the exam..

i believe in myself that i have known this course.. i studied it (that's why i graduated from it) im putting efforts to be the best i can be.. i treat those who are better than me as motivation for me to study.. that i can still be better like them.. i enjoy having this kind of pressure.. i learn from my mistakes.. i do not worry if i forgot something cause i know it was just somewhere in my brain, waiting for the right moment to get out.. i want to help everybody build up the motivation to study harder.. people are saying things, that even if i dont study i can surely pass the board exam.. but this is what i believe, "if you are not going to study, how will you pass the exam? no one who took every exam has not prepared for it.. preparation is the key to success" i dont rely to stocked knowledge.. i continuously fill it with things i still need to know..

anxiety, for me does not exist this time.. but i believe it will few days before the exam..
ANXIETY add up with EXCITEMENT.. :]

God bless to others who will take the december nursing board exam
including clai and angelmay

time passed..

can't remember how long i've been off to blogging.. felt like forever..
but ive decided to post before my review for the nursing boards..

after graduation (last march2010) i learned that vacation is'nt REALLY fun.. since i've finished school..
my mom's not giving me money anymore.. (but she loads my cellphone, thank goodness she's not asking where am i spending my cellphone load and whom am i texting..etc...)
i came to develop this routine at home:
7.00am wake up
7.30am breakfast
8.00am clean the house
9.00am take a bath
9.30am read
11.00am watch TV
12nn lunch
1.00pm read
3.30pm watch TV
5.30pm snack/dinner
6.00pm read
8.00pm watch TV
11.00pm sleep

no wonder i've finished reading most of my nursing books.. BUT this routine isn't helping my social self.. im STILL stuck at home.. i want to go somewhere, see new things..seem like im frozen..

but on monday, im going to start my formal nursing board exam review at sta.mesa, manila..
too sad im on my own, but that's ok, i just think that it's my sacrifice.. being alone isn't bad,, as long as you dont keep yourself alone in the middle of the group you belong with..:]
maybe this is the challenge to my social self, learning from others, knowing new faces and living with change..

one important thing i've learned from schooling, it bounds people and separate them at the right time. and those you've kept for the longest, will last forever..

true blood..

a new addiction..

True Blood is an award-winning American television drama series created and produced by Alan Ball. It is based on the The Southern Vampire Mysteries series of novels by Charlaine Harris, and details the co-existence of vampires and humans in Bon Temps, a fictional small Louisiana town. The series centers on Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), a telepathic waitress at a bar, who falls in love with vampire Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer).

The show is broadcast on the premium cable network HBO in the United States. It is produced by HBO in association with Ball's production company, Your Face Goes Here Entertainment^. It premiered on September 7, 2008.

The first season received critical acclaim and won several awards, including one Golden Globe and an Emmy. The show's second 12-episode season premiered on June 14, 2009. On July 30, 2009, HBO confirmed that True Blood would be renewed for a third season which began shooting on December 3, 2009. It will air beginning June 13, 2010, according to HBO.

In January 2010, Alan Ball confirmed that there will be a fourth season of True Blood.

Following the creation of synthetic blood, vampires have progressed from legendary monsters to fellow citizens overnight. Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) is a telepath and waitress at Merlotte's in the small Louisiana town of Bon Temps, owned by Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell), a shapeshifter—though this secret is kept hidden. One night, Sookie meets Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer), a handsome 173-year-old vampire who has returned to Bon Temps following the death of his last remaining relative. As she cannot hear his thoughts, she finds it easy to be in his company and, over the first season, the two become romantically involved.

not intended for minors.. hehehe

i certainly love this.. :]

google it everyone!

summer..

i think.. this will be the most memorable summer..so far .. that will be happening..
for this is my last summer as a student.. >< well going to attend review classes by april and then goodbye school..

my and my clustered friends.. have plans for a enjoyable vacation.. they all suggested to have swimming..
so far i have 3 schedule of night swimming and 1 over night spending videoke..

i hope these plans materialize.. because i hate being upset with the things i hope for..

my friends have different preferences.. some wants the event to be extra special, some was just ordinary and some memorable..

im happy to have different personalites of friends.. which.. i can surely cope up with.. :]

happy summer!

hottiness..

im so bothered wiht this global warming.. but i dont know what significant action i should do..

im just a nobody, as compared to the authority responsible for climate changes.. but of course all of us are generally responsible for the effects..

the weather's so hot, even just sitting down can cause you to sweat.. isn't it alarming that water is running out? water for living.. hot weather can cause you heat stroke, sun burns, eye effects (vision impairments), and others..

my friends are planning to go swimming, but im kind of hesitant to join because i can imagine myself boiling in the swimming pool .. i dont want my skin to be darker..><

some friends and i decided to form a less-plastic-consuming-group.. i hope this can make a change..

i hope someday, somehow.. this climate change will reverse.. let's pray for it.. and do something for it.. i believe that proper education and cooperation are the key to this problem.

i2i..

dim, quiet and soundly

briskly towards home

saw someone like you

hope it was you

 you meant nothing

since we glanced

dilating eyes in the dark

 unexpectedly,

seeing me in your eyes

not less than a second

back to back

till next encounter

wheeling goodbye

O~O bicycle

thougths on the dot..

it's 30 minutes before midnight.. and i have to review for an exam tomorrow..
still finding my mood to study..

taking my time to release some of my thoughts tonight..

* i proved that my love-advices were failures.. i really dont know how to speak "love"
* spending more.. is like breathing.. if you're with people worthy of it.. you know, it's easy.
* some people find others easy to let go.. can be lovers or can be friends..
* computers are sleep-busters.. it prevents me to sleep..
* living in our house is very simple..
* i;ve read some notes earlier and i learned a lot in leadership..
* i hate forcing myself to study.. that's why im here typing.. to unwind..
* im excited when everybody's feeling lazy..


little bit drowsy now..still next time

dream encounters..

others say that those who died still can communicate with the living..

through dreams.. stories i heard were.. "she said that she's ok, and she's in a peaceful place".. 'he told me not to worry".. or "i saw her in a beautiful place"

is it really true? that people meet their love ones in their dreams? since i haven't experienced any kind of this in my weird dreams.. i once thought of this.."what if, it's a psychological compensation, their minds compensate because of the loss they had and so their dreams tell them assurance.. not to worry anymore.. and that they should be stable and continue their lives"

of course this little theory of mine still needs a plenty of tests, testimonies and studies.. which i dont have the capacity to do..

but still i think that dreams are always telling us things that we should know or realize.. they are our unconscious thoughts.. i used to dream about persons doing activities of living..or in a place familiar to me.. but the weir thing is these dreams were somehow serve as my guide.. to what to expect or what to change or even what to do to others.. like somewhat premonitions.

that is why my dreams are significant for me.. it still needs complicated thinking and comparison between dreams and true life.. i think that's a nice thing to share about..

happy dreaming!!

wind-ay..

lunch time when i started to feel cold..but the air condition was turned off.. coldness increased as i left the classroom to eat with my friends..the moist air brushes my body and brings chills.. my friends also felt the sudden coolness of the wind, but enjoyed it as if we were in baguio city.. (summer capital in the philippines, it's cool there) until we went home the wind was with me..

i like windy days but it is easy for me to get cold..

maybe i need someone to hug and to absorb their body's heat..

past life..

a friend shared her past life to me earlier this day.. she searched for it last night.. that is why i also did it..

my birth date was on May 23, 1989..i was born on tuesday

other May 23 events..
that was the day when Napoloen bonaparte was crowned king of italy
birthday of Sam Milby (fil-am actor) and Kim Sung-soo (korean actor)
the 143th day of the year.. (143=i love you) cute!
joan of arc was captured..
world turtle day.. hehe..
death of henry V (holy roman emperor).. 5 is my favorite number.. :]
the "55 parties" clause of the Kyoto protocol is reached after its ratification by Iceland



http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/

Your past Life diagnosis:

---

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Wales around the year 1750. Your profession was that of a dramatist, director, musician or bard.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You always liked to travel and to investigate. You could have been a detective or a spy.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to conquer jealousy and anger in yourself and then in those who will select you as their guide. You should understand that these weaknesses are caused by fear and self-regret.

school after holidays..

one of the hardest thing to do is going back to school after the holiday break.. my mood isn't ready yet because im still thinking of fun and parties and long hours of sleep, while school requires me to wake up early and home works after school.
it is very hard for me, you know.. i know it is also for my classmates. but we need to do this. now that it is my last year in college.. few months wont hurt sompared to a life-long out-of-school days.. hehe
tomorrow will be the start of my last semester in nursing and now im doing my pending home works and will start reviewing for exams later.

good luck for me :]

feeling this..

i am not in the mood to post something in my blog, especially not with this kind of format.. paragraphs, words, sentences.. photos will do.......nah, i dont know what to say..

i do not understand what i feel right now, it's nuts to say that i do not feel anythings, it's just.. unexplainable in a negative way.. aw.. i hope this post lifts my mood and boosts me in doing something purposeful other than eating..

the reason behind this crazy boring feeling is the lack of initiative to be an effective human being.. in short.. laziness.. i hate being lazy, but i just cant stop being.. you know.. this..

but by sharing this feeling in my blog, i hope this blog still worth reading.
by expressing what i feel word per word, my fingers typed , my neurons firing, my eyes blinking, my lungs breathing.. i slowly leave my bored self behind..

mood uplifted.. great!! back to face book.. got to harvest some crops.. haha

humbleness..

"In reality there is perhaps not one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself...For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility." - Benjamin Franklin

humbleness involves patience and forgiveness..
it can help you develop good personality and sociability..
some people, find it hard to humble themselves, because of that thing called pride. it influence us not to value humility and just hold on what we believe is right. we do have our own perceptions and ideas, we protect ourselves from what others say, but it is better to accept those things and realize.. what it the truth behind this 'pride' in me..

these are the ways to be humble.. (source: wikihow)
1. Appreciate your talents..self-esteem is not as same as pride..
2. Conduct an honest evaluation of yourself Honesty with yourself is the best policy.
3. Understand your limitations.. there will always be someone that can do better on something than you..
4. Recognize your own faults.. pointing at others is easier than looking at ourselves..it should not be this..
5. Stop comparing.. humbleness is not trying to be better or best..
6. Appreciate the talents and qualities of others.. separate opinions from fears..
7. Don't be afraid to make mistakes.. understand that everyone commits mistakes and tries to correct it..
8. Don't be afraid to defer to others' judgment.. you may realize that you don't actually know this as often as you think you do..
9. Rejuvenate your sense of wonder.. observe and do..
10. Seek guidance.. from the right persons..
11. Think about yourself under different circumstances.. changes makes you flexible..
12. Help others..
13. Remain teachable..An unteachable spirit is a proud spirit, which is the opposite of humility..
14. Practice gentleness.. Absorb the venom from other's attacks and react with gentleness and respect.


i hope we learn from this.. :]

routine..

every night, before you sleep.. do you have time to go back the things that you do for the day?
i do, and i feel like time is ssssssssooooooo fast that it knocks me at my bed again, just like last night. you know life is like a routine, you do things such as eating breakfast, lunch and dinner, take a bath, do the chores, study and then sleep... again.

feeling like the same everyday.. but you can only differentiate a day from another day if you feel different..

(complicated line!)

what if clocks are not invented yet, maybe we are enjoying the day unaware what time is it and if things are still not done you can do it tomorrow you will have different things to do in a different day... quite complicated and losing the sense of time.

some times i think if other people thought of this too, that we are just moving like the clock, in a routine.
but if we continue to think that way, we will just waste our lives... not yesterday is the same as tomorrow as today..
* the sun rises and sets in a different time everyday... even though the difference is only minutes..
* the dog barks not as the same number of barks as of yesterday..
* you comb your hair not as many as yesterday..
* it is not everyday that you will have to cry?
* not all day you can not take a bath.. haha
* you cannot eat meat all tha days of your lives?
* you cannot wear the same clothes as of yesterday...

everyday is different, it is just up to us if we will aprreciate it's difference or not :]
have a nice day!!

living as dead..

i am reading a book entitled 'the lovely bones' by alice sebold it will soon be a movie in theaters and i am very interested in the story that's why im reading it now. although i am not finished reading it yet, im very amazed on how the story flows. it reminds me of the movie 'what dreams may come' starring robbie williams. what will you be doing when you die? where will you stay? is there a possibility that you can still be able to connect yourself to the living? on earth?
that's the topic concerned in 'the lovely bones' *read it so you'll be able to understand why i am asking these questions, i wont re-tell the book here or summarize it because i will be a spoiler to the movie and book.
i am beginning to ask myself, is there really such thing that we call 'our heaven'? not heaven as where there are angels, clouds, light, paradise and God as many of us interpreted through history. but before reaching God's heaven, think of some place where the souls go if they still have unfinished business on earth. i believe this is not we what call the 'purgatory' because that place is for those the unbaptized..i think. but like stated in the book, souls can have connection to the living to finished their 'unfinished business' as most of us believed to have. and if we were able to complete these businesses and ready to let go of the things here on earth, maybe that's the time when we can be with our creator, God. and angels and clouds and paradise too.. hehe
when i was young, i became very sensitive to this kind of conversation, maybe because i lost my father back when i was five, too young? i know. death stories chills me to death and left me of a wide imagination on how our bodies will be degraded six-feet under, as a child and just starting my interest in life and in living i don't want to be eaten by worms and ans and other stuff under ground. for me, dying isn't just sleeping and not waking up 'as many adults tell their children' but leaving your earthly body and live as a soul, living as dead or better 'existing after life' that's weird. because not dying is the end of everything. it is just the start of another world, a new world away from earth.
now, that i was grown up, death stories still scares me but not as before when i will stare far away and cry, trying to regret living even though i am still living.. haha, sounds ironic. let's just live happily as others do, living doing right things to others while we are still on earth.